For the previous chapters
http://superraine.blogspot.sg/p/the-boy-who-became-bunny.html
The following week
when I was well enough to move around my own, Lara asked me to follow
her to a place. She was experiencing a form of writer's block, and
needed to go there for some inspiration.
“Where is this
place?” I asked. Since the accident, my motorcycle was crushed
beyond repair, and we had been taking taxis or the subway to places.
“I used to
volunteer there last year. I think it will be the place that will
benefit the most from my scholarship fund. It is a place where people
are abandoned,” she replied, as we got inside the taxi. I realised
that we were approaching a familiar building. Lara continued, “This
place used to be a school many years ago, but it is now converted
into an orphanage. I hope that future writers from this orphanage can
benefit from my fund. I don't want children to lose hope in
themselves just because of their circumstances. There is always a
light at the end of the tunnel.”
We got out of the
taxi and I could feel my hands turn clammy. I had to take deep
breaths to calm myself down. Maybe, just like in the cemetery, if
Lara was with me, I won't hear the voices, I thought to myself. We
walked towards the orphanage. It was made up of two blocks, each
block was four storeys high. The walls were painted a light blue, and
there was children from a few months old to eighteen years old housed
here. “Lara, is that you?” cried someone behind us. We turned to
come face to face with a woman in her early fifties. She was stoutly
built, had short grey hair and a kind face. “It has been some time
since you came here, is this your friend? ” she said, looking at
me.
Lara replied, “Yes,
this is Bunny.”
The staff worker
stared fixedly at my face. “Ethan?”
I replied, with a
slight bow, “Good afternoon Madam Chong.” She hugged me tightly.
Madam Chong was one of the social workers who took care of me during
my stay at the orphanage. She was the one who took me to see various
doctors and counselors regarding my “condition” then.
“Ethan, it is
wonderful seeing you. You look good,” said Madam Chong.
“Thank you, you
look good as well,” I replied. Lara just observed our exchange
quietly. She asked, “Madam Chong, can we both just take a look
around? It will only take a while.”
“Sure, I will be
here if you need anything,” said Madam Chong.
It was now about
5pm. Most of the children were enjoying their break time before
dinner. Some of them were playing soccer in the fields, some were
sitting on the staircases, reading a book or listening to music. You
don't see that look as much on the younger orphans, but the teenage
orphans had a distinctive lost look to them. It was like they were
confused about something or themselves.
“Bunny, you stayed
here?” asked Lara.
“Yes, for about a
year.”
“After your family
passed away?”
“Yes.” I
replied. Memories of the place started to flood in. Not too long ago,
I had a father, a mother and a brother and suddenly I was left all
alone. Any physical traces of their existence were wiped out, except
for me. The world no longer felt real and I couldn't trust anything
in it. Lara and I were walking around the fields, when sure enough I
heard it. It was the same female voice, airy and light. It was my
mother's voice. “Ethan...Ethan...why are you still alive? We are
waiting for you at the real world...”
My face turned pale
and I felt as if I couldn't breathe. I started gasping for air as I
crouched down to the ground.
“Bunny? Bunny?
What is wrong?” Lara cried. She wrapped her arm around my shoulder.
I was starting to see white spaces around me. My surroundings were
starting to lose their form and my head was feeling light. I could
see the faint figure of Madam Chong coming to my side, and then
everything around me turned pitch black.
By the time I
regained consciousness, I could hear Lara talking to Madam Chong in
the same room as me but I didn't have the strength to open my eyes.
“How long have you
known him?” Madam Chong asked.
“About ten
months?”
“I see. He has
been through a lot at such a young age. He couldn't even speak after
the trauma. I would never forget that time when he was missing from
the orphanage. We looked around frantically for him and finally found
him in the neighbouring apartments. He was sitting on the rooftop,
with his legs dangling over the edge. I really thought I was going to
die of a heart attack. It really felt like we would have lost him
forever if we didn't find him then.”
“But he always
smiles when he is with me,” said Lara. I could hear that her voice
was full of worry. I finally gathered enough strength to wake up
fully. “Lara...” I cried, looking at her. I was lying on one of
orphans' bed and the whole room was empty, save for the three of us.
I managed to sit up. My breathing was shallow and slow. I looked
around the room. It was all too familiar. This was one of the
bedrooms in the orphanage. Each room had ten beds, each bed had a
small chest of drawers beside it, where the child can put their
belongings and clothing.
Lara sat next to me
on the bed and asked, “How are you feeling? Is this an after effect
of the accident? The doctor did say that you would encounter some
breathing difficulties due to your ribs.”
I shook my head and
said, “I'm fine. Can we go home?” I really need to get out of
here, I thought. Lara nodded and holding my arm, we bid farewell to
Madam Chong and left the orphanage.
Once we got inside
the taxi, I felt much better. “That place makes you uncomfortable,
right?” said Lara. She furrowed her brows and looked exasperated.
“I wished you could have told me earlier. I hate to see you suffer
like that.”
“But going there
was important to you,” I said feebly.
“But Bunny, you
are more important than anything or anyone else in this world. I wish
you would realise that!” she cried.
It was the first
time I've seen her angry. I was startled by her outburst yet I felt
saddened. I had become too important to her. That means it was time
for me to leave soon.
One afternoon, when
Lara was in a deep sleep, I went out of the house and walked to the
nearby playground. I sat on the same swing Lara sat, and looked up at
the clear blue sky. Not a single cloud was seen. My mind was clouded
with a million and one thoughts though. I was tired. Tired of these
nightmares, tired of living, tired of everything. There is nothing
for me here. Well, except for one thing. But then, the longer I stay
here, the more I see Lara, the harder it becomes for me to leave her.
I wondered if I
should just forget about the million dollars and just leave this
place. Leave everything behind and meet my family. Although I am sure
my mother would be disappointed in me. She was never happy with me
being alive but what if her debt was stopping her from moving on in
death. I had no idea how the underworld worked but maybe that is why
she keeps calling me, because her spirit has not rested in peace.
Whatever the case, it felt right for me to pay her debt.
I remembered that
day I ran away from the orphanage. I was sitting on the rooftop,
thinking whether I should jump or not. There was a force, pulling me
forward. All I had to do was let go of the ledge. If Madam Chong had
not called my name then, I would have jumped.
I kicked the ground
in frustration. I was getting too attached to the people around me. I
reminded myself that I was not supposed to be alive in the first
place. I thought about Lara. Maybe it would be better if someone else
takes care of her. And it will be good if that someone understands
her. “I know,” I thought aloud. “I should make something like
an instruction manual about Lara and I will hand it to someone who
can take care of her.”
I got off the swing
and looked at my watch. It was 3pm. I should hurry if I want to meet
Annabelle. I took a taxi to her art gallery. I needed to see her and
ask her why was she getting someone to stalk me. More importantly, I
needed to know if it would affect Lara's chances at the writing
competition.
I stood outside the
art gallery for a long time. I was reluctantly to push the door open.
Suddenly I felt my body stiffen with the memories I shared with
Annabelle. The first time I drew a picture of her, I was standing at
a distance when she found it at the door of the gallery. Even then,
she looked lovely. I sighed and wondered why I was becoming so soft.
I pushed the door open and stepped inside.
“May I help you?”
asked someone. I turned to see a man in his late twenties standing in
front of me. I didn't know why, but he looked familiar. He was
tanned, slim and wore black-rimmed glasses.
“Is Annabelle
around?” I asked, looking around the gallery. There seems to be no
one else around.
“Annabelle has
been away on a business trip with her husband since last month. She
is checking out the auctions and art festivals in Europe and then she
will be going to Tokyo.”
“I see.” No
wonder she hasn't been receiving my phone calls. I guess I won't be
able to see her for some time then.
The male staff
looked at my curiously, “You painted that rabbit picture, didn't
you?”
“How did you
know?” I asked, startled.
“You may not
remember, but I was the one who carried the painting from the hotel
room to the art gallery.” He hurriedly added, “Don't worry, your
secret is safe with me. My name is Keith, by the way.” He held out
his hand to me.
“Thanks Keith, I
appreciate that.” I said, shaking his hand. He held on to my hand
longer than necessary. Was he being a little too friendly? “ Would
you know where is the painting?” I asked, when he finally let my
hand go.
“Annabelle told me
to ship it to Tokyo. I am not too sure about the reason though.”
“That is strange,”
I said.
“I will tell her
you stopped by when she returns,” he said, suddenly putting his
hand on my shoulder.
“No, it's okay,
you don't have to,” I said.
“No no, I insist.
Can I have your mobile number?” he asked, tightening his grip on my
shoulder. I had no idea what was he on about. But I gave him my
number anyways. It may have been the only way that he would let me
go.
I left the art
gallery with mixed feelings. In the end, I wasn't able to see
Annabelle. Did I really want to see her that badly. Maybe no matter
how bad things ended up, she was still a part of my past and we did
have some good times together. I realised saying goodbye is never
easy.
I wandered over to a
stationary shop and started buying sheets of coloured paper and
markers. Ten more days and it will be Lara's birthday. I wanted to
complete the instruction manual by the time I decide to leave this
world. I didn't think it would cushion the pain for her much, but at
least I know she would be in good hands.
I returned to the
playground near Lara's flat and sat down on one of the wooden
benches. It was already evening by now, and there were a few kids
playing on the swings and slides. I took out the papers and markers I
bought from the shop. Although I was uncertain about some of the
pages in the instruction manual, there was one section I was sure
about. I picked out a sheet of paper and wrote the title “Recipes”
on the top.
I jotted down my
personal recipe for carbonara luinguine. I made sure
to add in some extra notes, such as how Lara prefers luinguine to any
other types of pasta, and she loves chicken sausauges. I wasn't
really sure why, but my heart felt heavy as I started writing more
and more. This is probably my own version of a farewell letter.
"I
finished my manuscript!" Lara exclaimed, as soon as I entered
her flat. She ran towards me and her eyes were shining while a
beautiful smile flashed across her face. I almost wanted to lift her
up and kiss her then. But of course, I didn't. If I could help it, I
rather not be involved any deeper.
"That's
great," I said.
She
passed me a stack of A4 sized papers and said, "I've printed out
my entire manuscript. Please read it and give me your opinion."
She looked extremely pleased with herself. She stretched herself and
added, "I think it's time for a nap." She then made her way
to the bedroom and closed the bedroom door. I looked down at the
sheet of papers and placed them on the sofa beside me. Before reading
through it, I took out a piece of coloured paper and wrote a new
headline on the top, titled "Quirks". I numbered the first
one and wrote, 1. Lara needs to sleep
between 10-20 hours a day. Do not be alarmed if she does not wake up
for days. She hates to be woken up but if she asks you to, you can
wake her up with the smell of food.
I kept
the coloured paper in my bag and started reading the manuscript. The
title was "Snowy". There was something more sincere in this
story compared to her previous one. Maybe it's because this tale was
written so simply yet you can feel the sadness of the main character,
a rabbit named Snowball. Snowball was a ten year old rabbit who
adored his human owner, a girl, with his whole heart. However, she
grew up and he was left at the animal shelter. Snowball made friends
with a white maltese, Snowflake and together they escaped the animal
shelter to fulfil the rabbit's final wish, to see snow. The story was
set in Singapore, where it is summer all year round, but the two
animals did not know that.
After I
finished reading the manuscript, I sensed that Lara really wanted to
see snow for herself. Silly girl, I thought. If only she wasn't going
to give her money away to some dumb fund, she could use the money to
go to some snowy country.
I took
out my sketchbook and pencil and started drawing out the remaining
scenes from the story. At the end, the rabbit dies. He had been sick
for some time already but he found out that his mistress never meant
to abandon him. She loved him dearly till the end. I had to admit, I
envied Snowball. At least he did not die alone. How many people have
the priviledge of not dying alone? I was sure my death was going to
be a lonely one. And Lara will hate me till the end.
I reread
the story again. It was good, I think it was good enough to win the
first prize. I really should bring Lara somewhere to celebrate her
birthday, before I tell her that I was stricken with an incurable
disease. Before I make her cry, I should try to make her smile.
No comments:
Post a Comment