http://superraine.blogspot.sg/p/the-boy-who-became-bunny.html
I was back to that
night, five years ago. I was like a spirit hovering over the scene
and I was back at my old flat. It was about midnight and my fifteen
year old self had sleepwalked out of the house. Back then I shared a
room with my brother and he was, like the rest of my family, a heavy
sleeper. My mother came back to the house, half an hour later, and
you could see that something was off about her, more so than her
usual self. She didn't even notice that the front gate was left open.
She just entered the house, shut the front door behind her, make sure
all the windows were sealed shut. She then took out a bottle of
sleeping pills from her handbag and went to turn on the gas. She did
everything mechanically, like it has been rehearsed in her mind a
million times. My mother then sat down by the dining table and
swallowed the whole jar of sleeping pills. She soon lay unconscious
on the dinner table with one hand outstretched. The smell of gas
slowly but steadily filled the whole house. No one was waking up, nor
were they ever going to.
I just looked on as
the series of events unfolded before me. There was nothing I could
do. If was something that has already happened and I was just looking
back, five years later. There was no use in me asking why. Why did my
mother decide to kill all of us? Why was I the only one left behind?
In the next scene of
my dream, I was at a beach. It was in the wee hours of the morning
and the sea was quiet, save for a few gentle waves. There was no one
else at the shore, and it was still dark. I stared at the sea in
front of me, my feet dug itself in the sand. Slowly, I walked towards
the ocean. I could feel the water lapping at my feet. It was cold.
This whole place was chilly, nothing like what sunny Singapore is
usually like. And then, I heard her voice, “Ethan...Ethan...come
join us...” She sounded far away, her voice was like an echo that
came from the other side.
She was my mother
and she wanted me to join the family at the other world. A world that
lay beyond the sea. I stepped closer to the water. With each step,
her voice sounded a little louder, a little clearer. She continued to
call, “Ethan...Ethan...” My body was already partially submerged
in the cold water. If I was to move any further, my feet will no
longer be able to touch the sandy ground. “Ethan...Ethan...” my
mother called. If I were to just shut my eyes and let the waves take
me away, I know I will wake up to see her.
And then, I woke up.
I saw a bright ball of light in front of me and there was a steady
beeping sound nearby. I was lying on a hospital bed and my whole
torso was covered in bandages. I turned and someone was resting her
head by my bed.
“Lara...” I
whispered. She stirred in her sleep and looked at me. Her eyes were
swollen and I knew she had been crying. I wonder why was I always
making women cry.
“Bunny, you're
awake. I'm so happy,” she said. Her eyes became watery again but
she managed to smile.
“I'm sorry for
making you worry. What happened to me?” My whole body was starting
to ache now and there was a sharp stinging pain at my side. My hands
could still move though, and I reached out to hold her hand.
“You were in an
accident and the doctor said you broke some of your ribs. He also
said, you were lucky to be alive,” she said, squeezing my hand.
“I see.” I
didn't think I would make it either. Maybe my mother didn't want me
to join her before I paid off her debts fully. I didn't know why I'm
still alive now. Lara was starting to bawl her eyes out beside me.
“What's wrong?” I asked. I tried to sit up and immediately, a
sharp pain pieced through my side.
“I really thought
you died. When I received the news from Ming about you being in the
hospital, I couldn't help but think the worst.”
“The hospital
contacted Ming?”
“Yes, he had a few
messages in your phone and was the only one who answered their calls.
You have been unconscious for about three days!” she cried. Her
tears would not stop.
“Hey, don't cry, I
am alright,” I said. Lara took out a tissue and blew her nose in
it. “You have been here for three days? How is your manuscript
coming along?”
“It is halfway
done. I mostly slept here, I was just so worried you would suddenly
disappear in front of me I couldn't bear to leave.”
“Have you eaten at
all?”
“Sometimes, when
Ming comes by to pass me some packed food,” she said, wiping her
tears with the tissue paper. I felt sorry for making her worry.
The doctor came by
the ward and walked over to my bed. He told me about my condition.
“You have broken four of your ribs. If there are no major
complications, you can be discharged within three days, but you need
bed rest at home for one to two months. You were very fortunate that
you landed in the bushes after the impact, if you fell on a hard
surface, the accident could have been fatal.”
“Thank you
doctor,” I said.
“Get some rest,”
he said. I turned to Lara and said, “Lara, get some rest too. You
have been here for three days. I'm fine.”
“No, I'm not
leaving you,” she declared firmly.
“You need to work
on your manuscript too. There isn't much time till the dateline
right? I'm not going anywhere. Remember, I promised you that I will
never leave you.”
She looked at me
forlornly but she finally gave it. “Alright, but I will come back
tomorrow. Rest well.”
I tried to give her
a reassuring smile. “I will see you soon,” I said, as she
reluctantly left my side. I glanced at the clock and saw that it was
already 9 pm. I hope Lara was able to get home safely. There were
five other beds in my ward and they all seemed to have been involved
in some sort of accident. It was a non-air-conditioned ward and the
ceiling fans made a low humming sound.
I lay on my bed,
looking up at the ceiling and tried to recall the moments before the
accident. I remembered a black car was tailing me. Through my side
view mirror, I was able to see the face of the driver and it was
someone I have seen before. It was the same private investigator
Annabelle had asked to stalk me during the early stages of our
relationship. And assuming that Annabelle had asked him to follow me
around again, wasn't the only reason she did so was to see how my
current project looked like? That would be the only reason, wouldn't
it?
I sighed. If that
really was the case, and she did eventually find out who my current
project is, would be affect Lara's chances in winning the writing
competition? I really did not know how deep her wrath was. Women are
really such complicated creatures.
And what was I
supposed to do now. Even though I insisted that Lara returned home, I
had nothing to do in the hospital but sleep, and I didn't want to
sleep. I tried to keep my mind busy with random thoughts. I wondered
why the doctor contacted Ming. Maybe they saw the countless messages
he left me some months back. I mean, the person I contacted most
recently would be Annabelle. But I knew she would never accept phone
calls from strange numbers. It would have been awkward if the
hospital did call her after all, but then her private investigator
friend would have told her about my accident. Not that it was really
any of her concern.
Time moved so slowly
here. I would look at the clock and realised that only ten minutes
had passed. Being trapped in a place like this reminded me of my days
in the orphanage. I heard my mother's voice the most when I was
there. That was when her memory and presence was at its strongest.
She kept calling me to join her, my brother and my father at the
other side. Maybe that was why I didn't want to speak, back then. I
was afraid of answering her.
I still hear her
voice occasionally when I'm awake, but I hear it most when I sleep. I
figured for some time now that the only reason I was left alive was
to pay off my mother's debts. At least, that was the only reason I
could conjure up.
After an hour or so,
of trying to think of anything under the sun, I finally gave in to
sleep, although it would mean me seeing my past demons again.
The next morning, I
was thankful for the sun's ray to stream into the ward. The whole
hospital floor was bustling with activity and the nurse came by with
breakfast (fishball noodle soup). I had to press a button that
allowed me to sit up with the bed in order to eat the meal. The meal
was nothing spectacular, although it was comforting.
I was halfway
through my breakfast when I noticed a familiar figure walking towards
me. The Boss greeted me with a wave. “Good to see you alive,” he
said.
I snorted in
disgust. “Were you checking because you knew you wouldn't get your
money if I died?”
He pulled up a chair
and sat next to my bed. “Of course not. I'm just checking to see
you are okay. Was it really an accident?” he asked.
“Yes, it really
was an accident. I wasn't careful on the roads,” I said, trying to
ignore his presence and continued eating my meal.
“How
disappointing. I thought it could be some crime of passion or
something.”
“Anyway, tell me
again how much I owe you?” I asked.
“You are left with
$500,000, which is no small sum. But if you are able to get it from
your current project, then you are free to go.”
“Don't worry,
you'll get it.”
The Boss looked at
me intently and folded his arms. “You're a good kid, Ethan. You
know you didn't have to really pay back your mother's debt. I mean,
sure, I would have threatened to cut off your fingers or crush your
bones, but if you were to run away to Malaysia or something, I
couldn't have done much to stop you.”
He was right. I knew
he was right. “I guess, paying the debt became a reason for me to
live on, something like a goal to work towards.”
“And what happens
after you accomplished this goal? You will be left with $500, 000,
plus your other earnings you made with your previous projects.”
“I'm going to
leave everything behind.”
“Sounds vague,”
he said, shrugging his shoulders. He got up from his seat and added,
“Whatever it is, I wish you nothing but the best.”
I looked at his
retreating back and noticed how much smaller he looked lately. Every
time I see him, I noticed a few more wrinkles on his face and how
increasingly tired he looked. There really was no reason for me to
hate him. He was, like everyone else, just trying to survive. Sure
the debts my mother accumulated became too big for her to handle, but
she had many other issues that caused her to wipe out her entire
family.
Later in the
afternoon, Ming came by to visit. I was glad to see him, actually, I
think I would be glad to see anyone, the boredom was killing me.
“Lara wanted to come, but she was sleeping when I dropped by her
place in the morning,” Ming said sheepishly. He probably thinks we
were a couple or something.
“It's okay, I am
happy you are here. Would you happen to have some paper and a pencil?
I think I will die from boredom too and drawing could help pass the
time away.”
“I think so,” he
said. Ming rummaged his backpack and took out his sketchbook. He tore
away some sheets of paper from the back of the book and handed them
to me, together with some pencils.
“Thank you,” I
said, brightening up. “Ming, can I ask you something? Answer me
truthfully.”
“What is it?”
“Do you still like
Lara?” I asked.
“Lara? I don't
know,” he replied. It was the same answer Lara gave when I asked
her about Ming too. “Why do you ask?”
“Nothing, I mean,
if you really liked her, I won't get in the way.”
“But both of you
seem to have something special,” he said.
“Well...” I did
not know how to answer to that. As far as I was concerned, this
relationship we have was not meant to last. After I finish paying my
debt, I was going to leave. At this moment, my eyes caught sight of
Lara at the entrance of the ward.
“How are you
feeling?” she asked, pulling another chair and sitting down next to
Ming.
“I'm okay, really.
You look tired, you should rest more,” I said.
“Ming, why didn't
you wake me up?” she asked, poking him on his shoulder.
“He's right, you
should rest more,” he replied before getting up. “I'll leave the
two of you alone for a while. I will be back.” He smiled at Lara
before leaving the ward. I wasn't fooled, even though he said he was
not sure about his feelings towards her, the way he looks at her seem
to say otherwise. Lara didn't seem to notice though, she was holding
on to my hand, while observing my face.
“You know Bunny,
these past few days made me think that I have grown too dependent on
you. When I woke up and I did not see you around the house, it
honestly made me a little depressed. Even the instant noodles I
cooked did not taste as good as yours. But don't worry Bunny, I
promise to take good care of you, until your ribs are fully healed!”
“Thank you,” I
replied. I couldn't help but feel a little sad.
“How was your
aunt? Did she like the painting?” she asked.
“She loved it,”
I replied. Although I wasn't sure if Annabelle hasn't since smashed
it to bits after our break-up.
“I sort of missed
it, although not as much as seeing you,” she said. “Oh and I
asked the nurse earlier and she said you can be discharged tomorrow
evening! Isn't that wonderful?”
“It is, indeed.”
I was glad for these
visitors. However it meant that, although I tried hard to avoid it, I
have ended up making bonds in my life. I wonder if these were the
same people who would attend my funeral, if I ended up having one.
Lara would probably be the one crying the most, or maybe she won't
be, after she found out that I had deceived her and was only
interested in her money. Maybe before that ultimate end happened, I
should try to make our every moment a memory that she could keep
forever.
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